Less is more

Talking with a new yet dear friend I realized that in the past year or less I have become so much more happy with my life and where I'm at. Before you see, I felt I was behind. Did things backwards. Married right out of high school and college was put on the back burner. It's been a slow climb but I'm finally on the down slide of school. And I got a second burst of motivation on my nursing school endeavors which I'll be studying for starting in December and then applying for the program in March. Finally seeing a light at the end of my tunnel has got me excited and ready for the next step in my life.
Reading and came to a point in my life that all this time I've been trying to control my future. And we can all say that trying to control your destiny never works out. You can't keep people and make them do what they don't want to do. I've finally learned to let it go. If they want to be there they will make the effort. If not then it wasn't meant to be. I've really dove deep in prayer and it's such a stress relief to just talk everything out. I'm more clear in my future than ever. And at the same time I'm not but I"m no longer worried where I'll be one, two or five years from now. What I want to be is coming. Where I'll be has yet to be shown to me. And I'm happy with that.
I live in the moment and enjoy who I'm spending my minutes with. Make steps towards my future and learn to love the process. Turned the focus on me and do what makes me happy. Whether that be missing gym to complete school stuff so I can get that A or run from store to store to get stuff for dinner to show my care by making a good dinner out of love or writing a sweet note to thank someone for something they did for me. I'm no longer stressed about feeling behind. This is my life and I can't base it off of someone else's. Where they are now I will be and will be better prepared because of the life I've lived and what all I've already done and experienced.

As the song goes, let it go. I feel as if I'm flying.

Let the doors of life be open

Women's intuition is a marvelous thing. It can also be a curse. But in the end what it tells us keeps us safe. In the past I would listen but never act on it. I've learned to take my own guts advice even if it's something I don't want to do. Because in the end I will be better for it. With the season changing other things in my life are changing and for the better because I listened to myself.
Things are different yet the same. I love it. I feel my past is repeating itself. The same story but the character names have been changed to protect their identity.... It's weird. It's as if I'm in a dream. I know what's going to happen based on what's happened before. I'm excited. But do I keep this to myself? If I share this parallel life do over I feel I'm experiencing will it ruin it? Maybe if I don't share with those involved. And really with as much as I like to talk there's a good chance those involved will get the clue.
I'm seeing this as a chance to do things right. I'm older, wiser, more intuitive. And this time I'm not trying to work my magic like I always have in the past that as you can see got me nowhere. I'm learning that I can't make things go the way I want them to when I want them to. I want someone to be their own person and if I go trying to make them do things then they aren't themselves anymore. And what fun is that?...no fun!
It's a work in progress but I'm learning to be more open and not afraid. How can I expect them to be open and be a tell all to to me when I'm not the same to them? I need to not be afraid to tell my thoughts for feelings whether they be good or bad. From my previous post I decided to talk to them about it. And wouldn't ya know they were accepting and happy that I came to them with this. The issue was discussed and all continues to be right with the world. It's an incredible feeling when things go right and when they go right by both parties. That feeling that I felt I had lost is somehow finding it's way back into my heart.

I know

I hate when I come across something I'm not supposed to. That punch in the stomach it gives you. And then there's the dilemma of telling this person. Is it worth it? Will it cause a fight? A fight not even worth having? By not saying something does it make me look like a weak person? Because really I probably wasn't supposed to ever find out about this. And really is it what I think it is? But in my mind there's nothing else it could be. I'm still going back and forth on if it should be brought up. But my heart says to let it go. What was done was done and can't be undone. They both will have to live with that one. And I shouldn't jump into that hole they share. It looks dark and not fun. I'd rather be on the surface in the sunshine where it's fun and happy. I had all the intentions in the world to bring it up last night. I've thought a lot on what I would even say.

While you were gone I came across this... I don't want to know when or what happened or why it could possibly be there. It was a hurtful thing to find and looking back at recent encounters I had it all made sense. I had thought it was because of what you told me but now I'm seeing it was what you didn't tell me that makes her act the way she does around me. Of course the argument will be that I have no grounds for being upset because we weren't anything at the time. All I need to know is that it's over and she knows it's over and that it's a line that is to never be crossed again. 

 But I woke up this morning and decided that I need to be the better person here and not let this get between us. I need to learn my lesson from past situations. There's a reason I'm where I'm at again and I need to see it as such. I don't need to go digging in the past, a pretty recent past, but the past nonetheless. And that's where it should stay.